Tuesday, May 1, 2012

the highs of motherhood

If you could package the highs of motherhood and sell that over the moon feeling as a drug, I bet you would make yourself some good money.  Parenting is hard.  Really hard.  There are moments where you totally think you suck at the job but at the end of the day when your babies beg for one more kiss before bed and breathe on you with their warm breath and tell you they love you, it makes everything completely worth it.  And even if your day was the pits, you totally forget all the bad with a sweet little goodnight.

Last week was tough.  We had two sick, barfy, poopie kids.  There was a mystery stomach bug over here and as soon as we would think that our kids were all better, they would barf one more time just for good measure.  I was exhausted by the end of the week and feeling overly emotional.  I couldn't pinpoint my emotions, but I was quick to cry, over both the happy and the sad.

Although I am well rested this week and my kids have been healed, I am still oozing at the seams with emotion.  I want to bottle up Sawyer's "I love you's" and forever remember her cute toddler voice.  I want to never forget Harper's smile when she knows she is doing something naughty and she is about to get away with it.  I want to always be able to recall what it feels like holding each of my girls in my arms and how sweet it is when they come looking for hugs.  I want to always find humor in the things that my kids do...even the unfavorable things.  I never want it to be weird for me to crawl into bed with my kids and tell them stories and sing them songs. I always want my kids to know how much they are loved and how much their parents love one another.  I want my kids to be able to recall the happy times and to look back on their childhood and say "we had it good". I love it when Harper yells "Daddy's home!" anytime she thinks she hears the garage opening, and the way she calls out to me 'Mommywhereareyou?" all in one big slurred line of words.  I never want Sawyer to stop dancing and having an abundance of self confidence, and I never want her to stop singing her perfect little heart out.  I hope Harper can maintain her sass because although it can be frustrating, she sure is good at getting what she wants.  I really do wish I could freeze time or bottle up these times so that I can go back to them whenever I want, but since I know that is impossible, all I really want to do it remember.  I want to remember every single little detail.  And I feel like crying when I think that there is probably already so much that I have forgotten.

And with that I think I will probably go cry myself to sleep ;)

Marc, we have the cutest kids.  And I love you.
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